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So I bet everybody at home is smiling their cheesy smiles
thinking they've seen the downfall of Damian Slater.
Let's not sugarcoat things.
I may have been unsuccessful is securing a shot at the EPW
title at Evolution. And sure Bobby Marshall kicked me square
in the junk. But I still win because I have Amber wanting
the Slaterade and all of you slobs and greasy teenagers
don't!
At Goldrush, Bobby showed everyone exactly what he is. An
ungrateful, backstabbing snake. Bobby spends the past year
trying to convince us he would do anything it took to win,
and then when we offer our bro-ship, our support, he turns
on us. Well, to hell with Bobby Marshall. He may be the
champ, but bet he didn’t feel like one after Richter was
done with him on Saturday night.
But Goldrush is over……….. and it's time for me to get
personal again.
One question I get asked a lot is, "how do you get that fine
male model like glow?" Amazing genetics is my first answer
but I’m not ashamed to admit to the world that even this
bronzed Adonis can do with a little artificial sun light at
some of Adelaide's finest solariums. I know, it's probably
groundbreaking news that my tan isn't entirely natural,
which is why I was a little hesitant to write this column. I
believe I'm risking my reputation by what I'm about to
write, but sometimes you just gotta let it all hang. So this
column is all about...
D-Slats Review of Adelaide Tanning Salons
Now I realise most of the readers of this website live in
Perth. But luckily for me, I live in RADelaide, thousands of
kilometers away from that awful smell. And I have creative
control. This means that I can talk about a city where I am
hailed a God. So let's go...
Tan Ezy City
Now, this is a tanning salon that I have frequently visited
for the past 3 years. Not only do they put up Damian Slater
posters to advertise my ‘money’ looks to the public, they
also employ fit broads who understand my busy schedule and
slot me in even if the place is booked out. I give the dames
that work there a B+ average. They lose slight points for
the time they didn't clean the one bed I used properly and I
ended up with crabs... but beggars can't be choosers! Tan
Ezy is definately somewhere I'd bring my future son to have
him study the female anatomy.
Tan It Up
I haven't visited Tan It Up in a while, but it was the salon
that popped my tanning cherry and had me wanting more. The
broads pack a mean punch and can often put up the bitch
shield. But playing hard to get doesn't worry me. I have
watched both seasons of VH1's The Pickup Artist and I know
exactly how to play my cards. So I re-visited Tan It Up with
the intention of inviting the manager Rachelle out for some
twister at mio casa (if you know what I mean). I knew full
well that she would pretend she didn't know who I was. I was
right, and she pretty much ignored me. So after my 12
minutes in Bed 3, I "accidentally" walked out in only my
Calven Klain (No spelling error. I bought them in Thailand)
briefs. My supreme acting skills made the situation seem a
lot smoother than it may sound and by the time she picked
her tongue up off the floor, she was putty in my hands. But
let's just say I beat Rachelle so bad at Twister that she
cried and went home half an hour into our date. Haha! All in
the game plan kids!
Tan's House of Chow
I entered this fine establishment only to be told in broken
English that I could have Shark Fin Soup, not a tanning
bed...
WINNER – Tan Ezy City
A clear winner in my books. The broads there love me. Who
could blame them?
So for all you suckers who wanna be like your Goldenboy, get
your tan on @ Tan Ezy on West Terrace, Adelaide. Just don't
expect to get the attention I get.
Peace!
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