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I am on a spiritual voyage clownshoes. Forget the busy cities of
the East or the thriving social hub of the West... right now I'm
deep in the heartland of America - The Colorado Mountains.
Although I will not be at Re-Awakening V in body, rest assured
the very sexual and equally as buff spirit of Nate Dooley will
be there hovering above you, spilling your lemonade, sneezing on
your hotdogs and flicking your ugly girlfriend's bra-straps.
To help with my spiritual voyage, I am currently studying the
ancient Chinese art of Doo Lay Kung Fu so that I may reach a
higher spiritual plateau. In my postcard, you can see me
practising with my big Kung Fu pole in solitary confindement in
the mountains. I had to trek many many miles to my isolated
cabin and only allowed to bring 5 essential items for survival
amongst the elements.
Those being a mirror for obvious reasons, my Kylie Minogue CD,
vasoline, a hula hoop and my trusty ninja pole, not unlike what
Donatello used to bash arse in Ninja Turtles. As you may all
know, I have quite the reputation as a man who can handle poles,
and bashing arses for that matter... but I've never handled a
pole this big and hard. Luckily, my mother taught me the correct
way to play with a pole and she would be very proud to see her
baby boy looking so rough and tough.
Although I may be all alone out here in the woods, I have
befriended many squirrels who have shared with me their
bountiful collection of nuts. Oh, how I love to eat nuts after
practising with my pole all day long. That, clownshoes and
clownshoettes, is exactly the very spiritual meaning of Doo Lay
Kung Fu: bashing arses, playing with hard poles and eating nuts.
Forget saying your prayers and eating your vitamins... these are
the spiritual rules to live by.
I sincerely hope that at ReAwakening V, the Forefathers walk out
with the gold around their waists and party like it was 1999...
while the rest of suckers go back to writing your names on the
train, playing warcraft or whatever it is you clownshoes do
nowadays.
Until next time, do not forget the ancient rules of Doo Lay Kung
Fu - Arses / Poles / Nuts.
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